My Love and My Regrets
by jessjess3377
Summary: I couldn't let you go, I know I should have let you. Now all I can do is remember our past and suffer through our future. ***First fanfic*** Rated M for violence and some sexual content to be on the safe side :D
1. Chapter 1

**Author note: I don't own fairy tail, Hiro Mashima does. Also this is my first fanfic and I've never really tried to write before so don't judge me too much! Also this is in Lucy's POV and when something is in parenthesis is her thoughts. Okay try to enjoy :D**

Why? Why couldn't I just let you go? Why couldn't I just let you rest in peace? Things would never have turned out so horrible if I hadn't been so selfish… I know that every day that I suffer I deserve it for what I did to you. These words repeat through my head every day. Every time I look into your eyes and see the hate, the agony, the betrayal.

"You!" Laxus screams. I cower knowing what comes next, weakly I respond. "Yes master?" He walks up to me and roughly grabs my face. "You disgust me, every time I look at your face I want to break you." He replies hatefully. Without any warning he slams me up against the wall and start kissing me. The tears start to stream down my face, because I know this affection won't last long. And then if my tears were some sort of queue, he starts to choke me. I don't beg him to stop, I know I deserve all the punishment he gives me. His strength is so overwhelming it doesn't take long before everything fades to black.

**4 years in the past**

The grand magic games have recently ended, and Cana, Freed, and I decide to get a few drinks together. Of course a few turned into A LOT fast. We all ended up going to Cana's house to use up some of her alcohol stash. "So Lucy." Cana said giggling. "Hmm?" I replied. "You and Laxus have been hanging out a lot recently." She said wiggling her eyebrow at me. "I suppose we have, It turns out we have a lot in common. It's weird, I wish we would have started talking sooner." I said looking up at the sky smiling. (It's refreshing to get away from team Natsu every once in a while they're so rowdy. I mean don't get me wrong I love them to death, but sometimes I like not getting hit in the face by a chair every time Natsu and Gray bicker.) "You know Lucy, I haven't seen Laxus get along with someone so well in a while. Are you sure there's no secret dating going on?" Freed states watching my face like a hawk. I blush slightly. "No, no, no. We are just friends, I hadn't even thought of us being anything until you embarrassed me Freed!" I say slightly flustered. Cana laughs, "Oh Lucy, you're so funny when it comes to dating topics." I huff at her, then we proceed to drink.

(Two hours later) "Luuuuuuuucy can you do me a huge favor?" Cana slurs. I sigh, "Sure what?" "Well, to be completely honest I wanna fuck Freed. And you're kind of here. Do you mind going home?" I'm slightly upset, but I know it's the booze talking and not Cana. "It's all good, I'll go." I say forcing a smile. "Great!" Cana says giving me a hug. "Hey Freed, I'm heading out have a fun night!" I say with a wink.

I get outside and know I'm far too drunk to make it all the way home. (Damn it Cana you owe me! What should I do?) I pounder for a moment, well Laxus's house isn't far from here. Its way closer than my house is. "Yup. It's decided then!" I state and start walking towards Laxus's house.

I arrive at his doorstep, shit it must be like 3 in the morning. I hope he doesn't get too pissed off. I knock on the door, I hear him grumble "what the hell." (Yup he's mad, shit.) I haven't been on his bad side yet, and I really don't want to start now. He opens the door looking clearly annoyed, but he saw my face and his irritation melted away. "Lucy what are you doing here? It's 3 in the morning, are you okay? Did something happen" He said sounding genuinely concerned. "No, I'm sorry Laxus. I actually drank way too much with Cana and Freed. Cana gave me the boot so they could have "fun", and I didn't feel like I could make it home safely…So I came here. Again I'm sorry." He sighed, "No Lucy its fine, I rather you come here then end up in some ditch. Come in." He waved me to come in. "thank you so much, I really appreciate it Laxus!" I say, following up by giving him a big hug. He pats my head, "it's really not a big deal Lucy." I smile up at him and he smiles back down at me. "Well, I'll sleep on the couch you can sleep on my bed." Laxus says. "Oh no, I can sleep on the couch. I'm the one who randomly showed up at your house." I say completely against the idea. He chuckles lightly, "Lucy, you have no faith in me being any sort of gentlemen do you?" "Nope!" I tease. I start poking his sides, I feel him tense up. I giggle and try to make a run for it. "You really think you can tickle a dragon slayer and get away with it?" I have no chance at all, he catches me in no time and starts his tickle assault. "Laxus!" I squeal while laughing hysterically. "I'm soooorry!" I laugh out. He laughs and doesn't stop, I try to escape but I trip over my own foot and it ends with us falling over. Laxus lands on top of me and we're both still laughing. Slowly he lifts himself from me when our eyes meet. BAM! Out of nowhere there is the spark I feel between us, we stared into each other's eyes searching to see if this new feeling was mutual. "Laxus, I…" Then I was cut off by his lips crushing into mine, his lips felt so warm and perfect. I felt myself getting lost in passion of the kiss, I wanted so much more. I gripped his neck and pulled myself against him, I felt a smirks form on his lips. He lifted me off the ground and laid me onto his bed, I could hardly catch my breath before him he was kissing me again. "Mmm" I moaned into the kiss. His hand slowly slid from stomach to my breast, grasping it gently massaging out another moan from me. I pull away for air, then he starts kissing and sucking my neck .This was all too much for me, I felt so desperate for more I can hardly contain myself.

All too suddenly he just stops, gets off of me and sits facing away from me. "Laxus?" I ask confused and feeling hurt. "I won't take advantage of you while you're drunk Lucy. I'm not just going to throw this friendship away for a one night stand." He says without even giving me a glace. "Oh…I" I start to shake. (What is this feeling? I feel like I'm breaking) Tears begin to fall down my cheeks, "What's wrong with me?" I say not realizing I said it out loud. Laxus turns to see me cry, "Lucy there isn't anything wrong with you." Laxus pulls me into his arms, then gently rubs my back trying to comfort me. "Yes there is" I say breaking into full out sobs into his chest. "No there isn't, I just… I wouldn't want this to be a just tonight thing. If this started between us Lucy I'd want to make you mine, and I'm not willing to risk you only wanting this because you're drunk." I pull away from his chest to look at his face, I've never seen him look this way before. He looks so conflicted. I bring one hand to his face, placing it on his cheek. "Thank you, thank you for caring about me." I say smiling. "How about this then: How about we cuddle and go to sleep as friends and talk about this in the morning?" He looks at me and sighs. "We can do that." I smile again, we lay down and I snuggle into his chest. (I can't wait until the morning)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Sorry this took so long to post, I kept getting frustrated with a scene and deleting it. Also I have no set schedule of when I'll be updating, it's more so when I have the time for it. Also reminder that this is Rated M kiddies**

Warmth surrounds me and the pain is dulling. I feel someone grab my hand and whimper, (who could that be) I pounder. I slowly open my eyes to see a lovely blue haired mage with long hair.

"Lu-chan" she cries.

I frown and yank my hand away from her, "Wendy what are you doing here? If Laxus sees you healing me, he'll have you killed!"

Wendy looks down at the floor and shakes her head. "No he won't Lu-chan, this isn't the first time I've done this."

Wendy looks up again to give me a sad smile with tears forming in her eyes and continues. "He sends me to you every day to heal you just enough to get by, but today he wanted me to give you a message as well. So I had to wait till you were awake this time."

I look at her is in complete shock with my mind running frantic (What does this mean? Why would he have me healed? I just don't understand.) After a minute I finally calmed my mind.

"What is his message Wendy?" I say trying to sound completely calm.

She looks away from my eyes and says "He says that he wants you in his chambers immediately after you wake, for you to be naked when you arrive, expect greater punishment, and that if you become get knocked out so easily this time you'll lose something else dear to you."

My body starts to shake and I begin to sweat. I slowly stand up from the bed I'm in and peel off my clothing. Wendy stares at me in horror, she knows this is nothing new, but every time she has to heal Lucy her heart breaks like the first time all over again. (I need to calm down! Wendy doesn't need to see me like this.) Suddenly I feel Wendy grab my wrist.

"Lucy you don't have to do this anymore! You've suffered enough! No one expects you to do this! So please just stop and leave Magnolia or even Fiore! Just leave and stop this please!" She cries uncontrollably.

With this I start to cry and shout at her "No one expects me to do this because they're dead Wendy! They're all dead thanks to me, this is my punishment for my selfish choices! This is what I've caused so I will live with it every day till I die!"

Wendy stares at back at me and sighs, "Lu-chan, even if they were still here they wouldn't blame you for this. You didn't have any control over the situation, your magic acted on its own. You weren't yourself, you had just lost the person you hold dearest to your heart. Everyone would want to live your life smiling that smile that would brighten any room."

"I'm sorry Wendy but I don't think I'll ever smile that way ever again." I say as I walk away.

I start my way down the hallway shuddering at thought of what he has in store for me. It's always the same basic pattern of aggression then affection, but it's mainly aggression. I let my mind wander a bit and suddenly find myself at his doorway. I close my eyes and take a deep breath while reaching for the doorknob. I quickly open the door and look for Laxus, I find him lying on his bed sound asleep. Slowly I make my way up to him trying not to make a sound. When I reach him I look at his face (he looks so peaceful just like that morning 4 years ago)

He starts to murmur in his sleep and says, "Lucy, I'm sorry." Then rolls over.

I place my hand over my mouth and let the silent tears fall….

**4 years ago….**

I walk up the following morning with my head on a chest with an arm wrapped around me. I smile and begin to recall last night (that really did happen, so it wasn't just a dream) Lifting my head from his chest I gaze at his face (he looks so peaceful) I take my hand and gently caress his face while making sure to avoid his scar. A smile forms on his face and one of his eyes peeks open.

"So, I take it you actually remember last night?" he says pulling back down on to his chest.

Smiling I say, "I do, and I regret absolutely nothing. I wouldn't want a one night stand with you either Laxus, I'd want you to be mine."

"Lucy," he says. I look up at him and see his eyes clouded in lust. "Then I won't hold back on you today"

Laxus flips me over so that I'm lying on my back. I gasp and a devious smile takes over his face.

"You're so beautiful." He say.

"You're not bad yourself." I say while winking.

With that he leaned into pressing his lips onto mine, I let a soft moan escape. I move my hands to his head curling my fingers into his hair pulling him into a deeper kiss. I feel his tongue brush my lips asking for entrance, I let his tongue slid in tangling in with mine begging for more.

He broke the kiss, lifted himself up a bit and glanced over my torso. "I think you're wearing far too much clothes."

I tease "well then maybe you should fix that."

He pulls me up and lifts up my arm slowly pulling my shirt off. Showing off my pink lacy bra.

He snickers, "I like the lace, but that's got to go too." I blush lightly as he unhooks my bra.

A wide smile flashes over his face and without warning and pushes me down and slid his hand up my waist and starts to massage my breasts. A moan escapes me and he takes that as a good sign to start to suck on my nipples. I'm lost in this ecstasy of this amazing man making my body feel in ways I never thought possible.

"Laxus!" I moan out. "No more teasing, just please take me now!"

He looks at me and cocks he eyebrow, "impatient are we?"

"Very." I state.

"Just remember you asked for it." He chuckled.

As he stood up to take off his pants and boxer. I wiggled my way out of my skirt and panties. I looked at his member trying to see what I was up against, and believe me when I say I know where his ego comes from now. He moves back to being above as I close my eyes when I feel him part my legs and slowly slid into me. I winced a bit, i would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I put my arms around him and look into his beautiful blue eye. He was looking into mine asking the silent question of if I was okay. I give a slight nod and smile. Slowly he pumped in and out of me as I adjusted to his size, I began to meet my hips with his as he increased his pace. Filling me deeper and deeper as I cried out his name. I dug my nails into his shoulders as I felt the warm feeling in me growing and reaching its limits. My wall start to tighten around his member and he looks at me smiling.

"Together?" he says with a rasp.

"Yes!" I cry out, and with that I lose myself in him letting the orgasm overflow my body. At the same time he calls out my name and collapses onto me making us a tangle of limbs.

After a few minutes of heaving breathing I start to play with his hair and say "I love you Laxus"

He chuckles softly, "I love you too, but just so everyone else knows too I'm going mark you"

He then bites down on my left breast and I feel slight a power surge through me.

"Just remember Lucy, you're mine always and forever." He says possessively.

…..

At that time I would have never even begin to know what being his forever could really mean.

**Sorry about the crappy lemons, I'll work on improving them :D**


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